successful elements that build communication between generations.

Parent child communication advice: successful elements that build communication between generations.

Feelings can be difficult for grown adults to talk about. We often hear people say they do not have the words to discuss their feelings. It may even take years of practice for people to learn skills to express and manage their feelings. However, it is possible to learn these skills. Once we have some mastery of these skills, it is essential to share them with our children. This shall create successful elements that will facilitate communication between generations.

Child: "Mom I want that new tot."

Mom: "You can not have that toy."

Child: "I need it."

Mom: "You do not need it."

Conversations like this one can be heard almost in every public arena where there are parents and children. This can be a hassle for both the parent and child! Upon first examination of this small conversation, one may not see the feeling content of the child or the depth the caretaker's immediate response to the child's feelings. Take a second look at the conversation. Do you notice that the child states a feeling, the feeling of need? Do you also notice that the mother contradicts the child's stated feeling by negating the feeling? "Problem - parents don't usually accept their children's feelings. Steady denial of feelings can confuse and enrage kids. It Also teaches them not to know what their feeling are-not to trust them" (Faber and Mazlish, 1980).

What is just as interesting, is that many parents do not think that they partake in these types of conversations. Some professionals suggest that parents should take time out and analyze their conversations with their children. They should try to highlight instances where the child may be stating a feeling, and where they, the parent, are not acknowledging such feelings.

Child: "Mom I want this new toy."

Mom: "You can not have that toy."

Child: "I need it."

Mom: "You do not need it."

Child: "I do to need it." Child starts to stamp their feet.

Mom: "You do not need it. You already have ten like it."

Child: "I do not. I need this one."

Many arguments between parents and their children may in fact start with a child stating a feeling that goes unrecognizing. Some steps adults can use to talk to their children about feelings are as follows, from the book, "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk," by Faber and Mazlish:

1. Listen with full attention - this does not mean half listening, watching television, or trying to write something while your child is talking to you, it means eye contact, and paying full attention to what your child is saying. This type of attention will send the message to your child that what they have to say is important. This alone, may help your child feel listened to, and more importantly, HEARD!

2. Acknowledge their feelings with words. When your child is talking refrain from questioning, and just acknowledge what they are saying with a word or two - "Oh, I see". "It is hard for a child to think clearly when someone is questioning, blaming, or advising." Simple words "coupled with a caring attitude, are invitations to a child to explore her own thoughts and feelings, and possibly come up with her own solutions" (Faber and Mazlish, 1980).

3. Give the feeling a name - instead of denying the feeling. "When we urge a child to push a bad feeling away - however kindly - the child only seems to get more upset. The child who hears the words for what he is experiencing is deeply comforted. Someone has acknowledged his inner experience" (Fabre and Mazlish, 1980).

4. Give a child his wishes in fantasy - instead of explanation and logic. "When children want something they can not have, adults usually respond with logical explanations of why they can't have it. Often the harder we explain, the harder they protest. Sometimes just having someone understand how much you want something makes reality easier to bear" (Faber and Mazlish, 1980).

Trying these four steps when talking about feelings with your child may help to decrease arguments, and enhance communication between caretaker and child.

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Tips for Parent-Child Communication

Kids have stereotypes about adults, as adults do about teens. It is difficult to communicate through the soundproof walls of stereotypes. It is sometimes hard to hear in the noisy background of stereotypes, fixed ideas and preconceived notions.

A recent survey on teens shows that a large majority of them want a closer relationship with their parents. They are often concerned about parental reactions and opinions and wish for better communication with their parents. Many teens say that they often don't feel comfortable talking with their parents about real problems and concerns.

Interviewers asked teens about the reasons for not talking to parents about things that really matter to them. Some of the common answers given by teens were: "They don't really listen" and "They don't really understand so it doesn't really help." Therefore, we parents need to take the lead and meet the communication challenge. We need to do it right before they can be expected to "get it right."

Hugging their children is the most important thing parents can do to validate them and make them feel connected. But what should parents do after they have hugged them? Listening and talking is the second key to the physical, psychological, and spiritual growth of the child. Communication, if done the right way, is another way of reaching out and touching a child.

The American Psychological Association (APA) has lately taken an active role in helping parents communicate with their adolescent children. In this article, I will later present many of the suggestions offered by the APA. First, let's begin by asking ourselves the following two key questions:

1. Why does my kid have a difficult time in talking with me about what's going on his/her life?

2. How comfortable am I in initiating conversation with him/her on such sensitive (or delicate) subjects?

If you feel that your child really doesn't listen to you, add one more question to your list and that is, "What am I doing that my child doesn't listen to me?" Even if you think that the fault lies in the child, it is better to look for an explanation in your own behavior. Whatever answers you can come up with, acknowledge them to your child. This may impress on your child that you are acting in good faith and you have credentials to back it up.

Hear your child out. We often interrupt our children too soon. It's a basic rule of engagement. Hear your children's viewpoint even when it is difficult to hear and the impulse to correct them is difficult to resist. Let them finish speaking before you respond.

A significant number of teens complain that their parents are "too busy," "don't have time" or "aren't there when I want to say something." Be available to your children when they are most likely to talk. Stop whatever you're doing and listen. Never postpone the conversation. When a kid has spoken, that is the right time.

Learn about their interests such as their favorite music, movies and activities, even if you don't agree with them because they are great talking points for teens.

Soften your reactions even if you strongly disagree or disapprove of what your children are saying. Otherwise, they may decide to never truly say what's on their mind. Kids, like adults, have a tendency to tune people out if they sound angry or defensive. Express your opinion without putting down theirs.

We should be able to cope with not just our children but anybody whose views or beliefs differ from our own. Our values, prejudices, or beliefs may sometime make us intolerant and become such impediments that we just cannot hear the other person. Why not give our children the same courtesy we give to our clients, business partners or political rivals, that is, "to agree to disagree?" Don't argue about who is right. Instead say, "You may disagree with me but here is what I think."

If you want to initiate a conversation, do it by sharing your own thinking about an issue rather than beginning with a question. An abrupt question often serves as a warning, "Why you asking me? What did I do?" In a conversation, focus on your children's feelings rather than on your own.

After you hear them out, repeat what you heard them say to make sure you heard it right. Before you react one way or the other, a question such as this would be great: "How can I help you with this?" Sometime, kids want advice, other times they just want to express how they're feeling.

The British who ruled India constantly warned the Indian freedom seekers about the awful mistakes the inexperienced Indian leaders would make if they were given the power to rule. Gandhi, the chief architect of freedom movement and father of the nation countered, "But those will be our mistakes." Kids, too, want to learn from their own choices. As long as the mistakes are not dangerous, let them.

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Teach Children to Share

At the time of the disaster hit our country like now, everyone terketuk heart to donate, or share, to victims of disaster. Various institutions, as well as people personally, helped raise funds and materials in other forms, to assist the victims.

But, when we return to our daily lives, still remember us to share? Are not people who lack not only appear when disaster struck right? Would not all around us were still many families who can not enjoy a decent life? Sharing also can we do to them, which the daily is still not able to meet nutritional needs, for example.

Many other benefits that we get the habit of sharing, among other things, we are so good at socializing with other people, get a sense of security, peace, a sense of great love, and helpless. According to the research, people who enjoy sharing will also produce endorphins.

"These hormones act to provide immunity in the body so the body recover faster after surgery, and be able to rest more optimal," said Dra Rustika Thamrin, Psi, CBA, CHT, CI, MTLT, at the same event.

To create a habit to share, you need to teach these habits in children early. Your role as a mother is very big in the habit contagious to share. Because as a mother, you have greater emotional closeness with children. Generally, mothers also have more time with children. As a woman, you are also blessed with the ability to pour love, soft, and detail.

"All you need do is set an example to children, because until the age of 5 years, children are an excellent imitator. When this behavior is carried out continuously, for long will become a habit, and eventually became the character," says psychologist who practiced in UB Women and Children Hospital this.

Rustika also warned, giving not have to be material. Sharing can also be given in the form of attention, smile, time, skill, touch, hope, advice, knowledge, and so forth.

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Teaching Optimism to Children

Imitate their parents is how children learn to live life. If the parents are the type of optimistic face life, you will see his son also will like it, "said Walker, as quoted by msnbc.com. Here are some tips to make the child more optimistic:

Listening carefully
The key to get a sense of trust of children is to let him say what he wants said, and you as parents have to listen without judging. According to Walker, the children have strong feelings but do not have words to express it. The story also pointed out that he is part of the learning process of their thinking. They could have said, "I hate Math!" when what they really want to say is "How can I learn mathematics better?" The task of the parent to find out what they want to say.

Avoid labeling
Conscious or not, children will try to meet or against all expectations of her parents. So, every time you say, "My second child is my child the most shy," and was heard by the child, then it will become a permanent identity in him. Negative labeling on children can harm children's self concept, and make parents face the things that he did not like in the child continuously.

Re form, do not be avoided
Teenagers want to be treated seriously and understood. To do this, parents must face the situation. For example, if the child said they did not like to go to school, it's not realistic to respond to the normative words and clichés, such as, "Do not worry, everything will be fine, really." Ask more about what bothered him and make him uncomfortable to go to school, and look for the things he liked at school. Focus on that and help him face the problems that made him reluctant to go to school. Find out also whether it results from people who bothered him (bullying).

Seeing the bright side
According to Walker, it is important to demonstrate to your child about the good side and bad side of every situation he faced, encourage him to look on the bright side. When your child feels sad and see the world as a very bad place to live, you can respond with words that the world needs balance and bad things can happen. Because there are bad things that he could see good things and appreciate it better.

Optimism and hope is a very close and sometimes overlooked by parents. Though it is required by a child to wake up in the morning and try to get through another day.

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These sentences Avoid When Talking with Children

Initially we thought those words would just disappear and no effect on the child, anyway, from our own parents saying those words to us. Make no mistake, there are words that often have a major impact on the emotional and psychological child. There are some sentences that should be avoided when talking with children. Anything?

"You should be ashamed at yourself"
The word "shame" is a destructive emotion and often triggers a deep sense of guilt. Although each child was acting naughty, very important for them to understand why their behavior was wrong and he should understand that is normal for every human to make mistakes, and most importantly we all learned from that mistake.

"Because Mama said so!"
The kids respond to the rules when they see the reason behind it. Spend a few seconds to help them understand why, so they can see you as authority figures who deserve to be respected rather than as a dictator.

"Mama baseball cares what you want!"
Sometimes, when there are more than 1 child you have to satisfy, it is difficult to be able to give them all what they want. Sometimes, when they whine at the same time asking for different things, unconsciously, many people say these words to his son. However, it can imprint on the minds of children, because they will think that you do not care about their needs, and the impact they can not respect you. Remember, dealing with their emotions do not mean give up and meet their demand.

"Auntie asked for kiss, dong!"
You will not want to kiss other people automatically when someone said that they ask for your kiss, right? So did the kids. Respect their personal territory and give control over who can get their affections.

"Why do baseball could be like ..."
Comparing children with other children, whether siblings or classmates together means you instill in them the seeds of damage. Feeling weak and not well could trigger a child who will "explode" at a time and dissension among brothers. Rather than make them feel inferior compared to the advantages of others, he will praise the good things that he can, offer assistance in areas where they lack control.

"Wait till Papa / Mama comes home!"
Not only this will give the impression that that said it was the parents who fear their children, but also shows that you have no control over the situation. Saying this means underestimate your authority and eventually make the child think and ask ourselves, why do they hear you from the beginning?

"You're the greatest!"
Ironic indeed, not all the positive words that have a positive impact. Of course your child is the best, but too many non-specific praise will make it so it is not meaningful. Make praise specific.

"I do not fear. Nah see why, really!"
The ability of a child to feel safe and communicating feelings is very important for growth. Although you think this is sweet and good attitude, but actually such words implies that their emotions are not true. Listen and face their fears rather than belittle and make them ignore their feelings.

"You're so naughty!"
It is a very bad thing to label a child as "naughty / naughty / naughty", because they will think it is their identity and trying to justify you. Try to show your dislike for the attitude that no good will, not his son.

"Hurry, please! Mama live, Yes!"
Embedding issues that you would leave it is not recommended. Children do not know if you are really going to leave or not. Although actually you just kidding or terrify, aka an empty threat. Be patient waiting for him and realize the children very easily distracted mind, and find other ways to speed up preparations to move.

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Basic Technique Talking to Children

Talking with children is not an easy matter. Even for parents of children even at times find it difficult to talk with the child. For those of you who often watch Nanny 911 series must have witnessed the difficulties parents to bring their children to speak. How to Nanny Deb and Nanny Stella talk with children? Here are their tips for the book Nanny 911:

1. If you want to make sure children follow your wishes (or when I want to teach discipline), lower your body as high as a child. Sitting or kneeling, select which is comfortable to you.

2. Face-to-eye. This is an important part. If necessary, gently palingkan his face so he looked directly to you.

3. If the child is very angry, rub her back or stomach. This is a form of stroke recognition. No need to attract or hold her by force to close with him, unless the child is absolutely hysterical and need to be soothed. If a child is hysterical, let her calm down before to talk to. Let him regulate his breathing.

4. Change the tone of voice to be firm but gentle. Your voice is naturally up and down when you're happy or having fun.

5. Give the words to children to help the flow of conversation. Help children who are still very small by messengers to follow your words and encourage him to try. For children who are older, you can open a conversation with the ideas, such as, "You seemed annoyed."

6. Repeat back what the child said. This shows that you really listen. It also gives you time to rearrange your mind.

7. Do not interrupt the child when she was told. Let him say what is on his mind. Tell him that you understand. When your turn comes, they will stop talking and listen to you. If they interrupt you, saying, "I understand, but let Mama finished first, after that we can talk."

8. Even if your heart is full of turmoil, try always to stay calm.

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Making Children Need to Hear You Without Yelling

Communicating with children should occur in both directions. You talk to him, he listens, and vice versa without any one of the intonation of his voice rising. There are effective ways to communicate with children without having to shout. Here's tips:

Message "I"
There is one expressive communication techniques for use with the child, his name is "my message". There are 3 key words in this technique, namely, I felt, when, and because.

When you are in a situation when the child asks for something now, you can use this technique, do not forget to use the three keywords, for example, "Mama (I) feel upset when you interrupt the work Mama, because I had to finish it before we go to the park play it. "

This technique is effective because it focuses on you and your feelings. This technique does not blame anyone, but it becomes a simple statement of your perspective on the situation at hand.

Emphasize kepositivan
One way to communicate effectively with your children is to develop in a positive sentence. Avoid the words "no" or "no" when talking with children. Rather than saying, "Do not throw toys on the floor," better to say, "Toys that his place in the toy basket." Although the changes are simple, the choice of words you use have a major impact on the reactions of children and the way he interacts with others.

Belanjar listen
Learning and practicing receptive communication is an important aspect to enhance parent-child interaction. Very important about what you say (or what is expressed in your child) be heard and understood. Listening to children is part of the receptive communication, and can be used as a way to understand children.

When you hear a child, stop all forms of activity you're doing and focus on your child. Kneeling, sitting, or a little lift on the bench for you and he are in an equal level. When the small talk, really listen. Ask yourself, "What is perceived by my child?" Then, repeat what you hear or what you think he is feeling (if his voice is less clear).

The key words similar to the first point, "you feel, because". For example, "You feel upset because you want to go to the playground right now when Mama stopped working." According to Terry Meredith, Speech and Language Pathologist from TLM Consulting, it is important for children to express their feelings through language. Parents also can tell the child that it is not a problem to feel some of the same thing at once.

Actions more clearly than words
Remember, that your thoughts are communicated through signs non-verbal. The way you carry yourself can say many things rather than words.

Your breath is very tight, wrinkled forehead, hands clenched, and then suddenly your child asks, "Mama mad?" then you replied with a frown, "Nah, Mama baseball mad." Your body language is clear show you angry and upset, but you actually say the opposite. When actions and words you do not sync, you send a double message to the child. You lied to feelings, but you show what you feel through your body.

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